Once Was A Cunt

I was an awful cunt when I was a teenager. One stuck up cunt of a juvenile delinquent. On the batter all weekend every weekend but generally behaving myself midweek hence making good grades despite my delinquent weekend activities. I’m a long long way from growing out of my teens. Indeed since motherhood beset me, I have been experiencing nothing short of senile delinquency.

Nowadays daily practice of hot & sweaty Bikram Yoga keeps me on the straight & narrow. Somewhat. I’m still up for mischief 7 nights a week & the City Centre is where my friends flock when they’re up to no good. Location location. Like living in Grand Central Station.

The years are flying in too fast for my liking. Now my daughter is a teenager. I want more babies but they won’t come out my cunt…following the successful & painless delivery of my darling bun in the oven, I’m all up for Caesarian Section. In fact, I awoke following the procedure to find myself attached to a morphine drip! Oh joy of joys! A baby & a morphine drip. Simultaneously!

Those weren’t the days. These are! Remember back a decade or 3 & realize that you’re living in the future you constantly dreamed of in your younger days. So here we all are, approaching the last year of the first 20 years living in the 21st Century…what are you going to do with yours?

I am in love with my life! It’s so comfortably liveable & easy to maintain. Lots & lots of time lying about in bed, perhaps meditating or broadening my ever expanding horizons online with my trusty iPhone.

Yoga describes my lifestyle. Intensive daily asana practice, followed by deep & restorative time spent in Savasana, corpse pose. Waking time & sleeping time chilling in mantra meditation to music. Nourishing, mainly lacto-vegetarian cuisine. Fasting intermittently. Faithful use of my Neti Pot to keep my breath to perfection…nasal breathing all the way. So good for the heart & lungs. Cardiovascular health is key. If your lifestyle jams the key in your lock, your fate is sealed. Death be upon you. Namaste.

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